Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues (1985)
Directed by Charles B. Pierce
AKA The Barbaric Beast of Boggy Creek, Part II

Rather unfairly given 2 out of 10 from the IMDB, Boggy Creek 2 is a charming if slightly uneventful look into the Arkansas swamp beast.

Starring the films director Charles B. Pierce as Professor Lockart, affectionately named "Doc" by his buddies, he takes a couple of his best students into the swamps to investigate the claims of the Boggy Creek monster. The students consist of Tanya, the good looking one, Leslie, the moaning one, and Tim, the one who always has his shirt off to show off his skinny bod.

The "plot" basically consists of the group arriving, being attacked by a dog, being scared, then finding the baby monster in a fat rednecks house and returning it to the big monster. The end.

In between this there are few over-focused flashback scenes involving people's encounter with the Boggy Creek monster which I must reveal at this point, is in fact a man in a ape costume.

High point of the film would be at the end (when the beer had kicked in) where the group meet up a with a fat semi-naked redneck who referred to the Professor as "Cuz". In my opinion this was the real Boggy Creek monster.

Overall: Watchable but unexciting. 3.5 out of 10.

Battle Royale II (2003)
AKA Requiem
Directed by Kenta & Kinji Fukasaku

Taking place several years after the original Battle Royale, the two survivors have setup a terrorist organisation against the adult population who persecuted them. In order to combat this terror element, a programme is setup: BR II - Battle Royale 2.

Similarly to the original film, this involves taking a group of kids (about fourty) with behavioural problems, drugging them and making them do battle. This time, instead of fighting each other, they must storm the terrorists island and kill their leader Shuya Nanahara.

The debriefing process, again similar to the first BR, involves the students being issued with equipment and necklaces that explode if they go out of range or, this time, if their randomly chosen partner is killed. This is quickly proven to work when one of the students is shot and killed after refusing to participate in the programme. Their parters necklace starts bleeping faster and faster before their jugular crashes open.

Once the students are kitted up, they are transferred onto the island and one of the best sequences of the movie begins. Much like a scene out of Black Hawk Down, the boat landing provides scene after scene of adrenaline pumping action - hand held camera shots with fast cuts, mixed with explosions and hot lead bullets zinging left and right. Nearly half of the students are slaughtered, either by bullet or necklace, during this section, but a number of them do make it further into the island and nearer to the terrorists.

Their teacher, who is controlling the programme, is played by Riki Takeuchi from the Dead Or Alive series of films and his over the top performance almost steals the show. He is further motivated to destroy the terrorists since one of their bombings killed his wife and daughter.

Back to the island and the students are involved in a number of skirmishes with the terrorists and a good few are killed. They eventually invade the terrorist hideout only to be out numbered. Both groups discover that they are in the same boat, young people being forced to do the adults bidding. The terrorists use a electromagnetic pulse machine to disable the other students necklaces before joining forces to take on the adults.

At this point the film beings to get bogged down with supposed moral issues, over the top cheesyness and confusing character relationships. The kids begin to see that they have flaws as much as the adults and begin to empathise with them. Until they start storming the island that is!

The finale is similar to the films boat landing sequence, this time it is the adults who are massacred as they invade the island. While not as gory as the first film, these epic battle sequences utilize about one trillion bullets and various indendary devices to good effect.

The ending opts for a rather soppy approach, indeed the last five minutes could have been removed and left the film a richer experience.

Overall: Good premise and exciting battle scenes marred by over cheesyness. 7 out of 10.

Drunken Monkey (2002)
Directed by Chia-Liang Liu
AKA Chui ma lau

Drunken Monkey is a homage to old school kung-fu films of the 70's, and in particular a nod to Jackie Chan's Drunken Master.

The Master in this case is the leader of a high risk delivery service who is betrayed by his brother who want to use the delivery service to transfer Opium. Left for dead he is found by a young girl who heals him and they become friends.

They story then follows two young men who are in the process of creating a Monkey boxing picture book but need to find the Master to get the last drawing. They travel off to find him and, after some general wackiness, eventually befriend him and are trained in the style of drunken monkey boxing.
The movie then takes the form of a revenge flick, with Drunken Monkey and his diciples going after his brother and the ownership of the delivery service.

Visual impressive, drunken monkey boxing basically involves performing moves based on the simian namesake. Wine is then used to induce a drunken state and improve the fighters powers.

Slow at times, Drunken Monkey has some extremely well choreographed fight scenes. The casting is excellent, with each character playing their parts to perfection. There is also great deal of humour, such as a scene involving one of the young men being hoisted around on ropes to perform some crazy monkey boxing style moves.

Overall: Slick Drunken Master update, but could do with more action. 7 out of 10.

God Told Me To (1976)
Directed by Larry Cohen

An interesting premise: What if God made his presence known to the world by telling people to kill each other.

The movie starts with a number of motiveless killings where the only connection is the killers confession, when asked why they did it they say "God told me to". Detective Lieutenant Peter J. Nicholas (Tony Lo Bianco) takes on the case, driven by his strong religious roots, and discovers that each of the killers met with a strange figure, who witnesses were unable to describe.

The killings continue, and Nicholas faith is beginning to flounder. He discovers that his only lead, the strange figure, is named Philips and during an search of his apartment Nicholas is attacked by Philips' mother. She is killed in the struggle but a post mortem discovers that she was a virgin and further investigation reveals that her child did not have any sexual organs.

As the mystery increases, Detective Nicholas discovers that Philips' mother reported being abducted many years before, and being artificially inseminated.

Rapidly losing the plot Nicholas briefly confronts Philips which results in a standoff. Nicholas feels that he has some powers of his own and, being adopted early in life, searches out his real mother. It transpires that she too had been abducted and inseminated.

Things speed along with Nicholas fending off attacks on his life by a group of twelve who believe that Philips is the messiah. The finale involves a showdown between Nicholas and Philips, a figure engulfed in light, resulting in the death of Philips. Nicholas' final words when he is asked why he killed Philips: "God told me to".....

While the initial premise is interesting and the flip to the alien connection is bearable, the films ending seemed to lose the plot. With various references to religion this flick might not be everyones cuppa however the film is made more enjoyable thanks to the lead characters engaging journey from lowly cop to something much more.

Overall: interesting themes if not over eccentric. 6 out of 10.

Island Of Death (1975)
Directed by Nico Mastorakis
AKA Pedhia tou dhiavolou, Ta

Island Of Death turned out to be a rather watchable horror cum shocker and Nico Mastorakis first film. It has a highly charged 70's feel to it, including a lot of the eccentricities that came with the time and encompassing just about every "perversion" that one can think of. The film features, in no particular order: nudity, male and female homosexuality, drug taking, bestiality, sodomy, rape, incest, murder, sexual urination, and rascism. Not bad for a directorial debut.

That aside, the story involves a Mickey and Malory style couple, in this case Christopher and Celia, who have run away to a small Greek island, and undertake a spree of murder and depravity. Christopher is a photographer and enjoys snapping his kills which just underlines the films constant feeling of voyeurism. Furthermore, at the end of each major scene, there is the sound of a camera winding on which adds to this feeling.

Christopher has a self delusion that that his murders are justified; black people and gay people deserve to die as they are perverse and both Christopher and Celia use their sexuality to lure other victims to their doom. Some of the killings are most imaginative ranging from death by whitewash consumtion to being beheaded by a bull dozer.

Throughout the film, it's evident that Christopher is controlling Celia but her interest in these killings begins to wane. At the climax of the film, as the police are now on their trail, they arrive at a farmhouse where an illiterate farmer takes them in. However, he turns violent and rapes both Christopher and Celia before quickly deciding his sexual preference and throwing Christopher into a pit of lime stone. With a good knowledge of rudimentary chemistry Chris knows that if any water touches the hot lime stone the resulting reaction will kill him. However, shouting out for Celia does no good as she has spurned Christopher and gone off with the farmer. Women!

To top it all at the very end we discover that the loving couple are in fact brother and sister! Then it rains. (Remember the limestone.)

Overall: Grandly perverse! 7 out of 10.

Dead or Alive: Final (2002)
Directed by Takashi Miike

Miike's Dead or Alive trilogy ends, appropriately, with Dead or Alive: Final. Set 300 years in the future, the city of Yokohama is under the rule of an evil homosexual mayor who forces the population to consume a drug with controls behaviour and fertility. This is designed to overcome the problems of the "Old Times", when war and over population reduced much of the world to rubble.

The story stars the same two actor that have been in all the Dead or Alive films, Riki Takeuchi and Sho Aikawa, who are a couple of the most stylish and watchable Eastern actors I've ever seen. This time around Riki plays tough cop Officer Honda who is searching for Sho, a Replicant (Bladerunner..?) called Ryô.

The Replicants in DoA are cooler than ice with lightning fast reactions and super strength. I'm easily impressed with Matrix style effects and was happy to see a couple of scenes paying homage to this. In one instance, Ryô catches a bullet in a L shaped pipe which then shoots up into the air killing a bird. Another scene involves Ryô being shot at from behind; we see the bullet in slow motion with the energy waves flowing behind it. Ryô, the Replicant, slowly turns around and in one motion catches the bullet in between his palms before spinning around a releasing it back at the bad guy head. Blam! Sweet!

Ryô gets caught up with a bunch of rebels who refuse to take the Mayors drug, and the story begins to look at the way that a mechanical being can show friendship and emotion towards humans. It turns out that although they were built as fighting machines, they all seek love like humans do.

While the Replicants character is relatively simple, Officer Honda is a much more complex person. Again, he oozes with cool. He has a black and white reversable trench coat which is generally worn with the white side showing. As soon as combat is about to ensue, however, he whips it round to the black side. Let's get it on!

Much like the story in Bladerunner, it turns out that Officer Honda, and his wife and daughter, are Replicants, further blurring the line about who is human and what is humanity.

Eventually, Honda and Ryô meet up for a showdown. However, their strengths are equal and as they attack each other face to face there is an explosion. In what is possibly Takashi Miike's strangest endings, Honda and Ryô have become combined into a super robot called DOA 2001. This is the entity that they both remember being part of all their lives and we are shown flashbacks of all the other Dead or Alive movies showing the progression up to this point.

To ensure confusion the super robots head is then revealed. A giant penis. Yes you read correctly.

The colour within the movie seems to have undergone some kind of processing since the reds and yellows seem to be very overbearing. This could be to suggest that the ozone layer has depleted further and does work well in giving the movie a strange otherworldy feel.

Overall: Continuing the Miike madness with well developed characters and excellent fight sequences. 7 out of 10.

Dellamorte Dellamore (1994)
AKA Cemetery Man
Directed by Michele Soavi

Dellamorte Dellamore stars Rupert Everett as the guardian of a strange cemeterery in which the occupants come back to life after 7 days in search of blood. It is his job to return the walking dead back to their graves which can only be done by splitting their skulls open.

The film starts well with Francesco Dellamorte (Everett) answering a knock at the door to be confronted by a zombie. He casually pull out a revolver and blows the suckers head off. We then watch as he and his strange mute companion Gnaghi, re-bury the body and the scene is set.

Things go downhill somewhat after the introduction of a mysterious woman whom Dellamorte falls in love with. She is bitten by one of the walking dead and dies herself. She then appears as different characters to Dellamorte, such as the Mayors PR and a student, and he falls in love with her each time only for her to die again. The actress who plays Dellamorte's love interest in a georgous sight to behold and not embarassed to show a little flesh. Nudge nudge.

Eventually Dellamorte gets sick of killing the dead and begins killing the living. Or so it seems... There are so many dream sequences and twists that the viewer doesn't really know what is going on. The movie feels like a series of vignettes rather than a complete story.

The finale of the movie sees Dellamorte and sidekick Gnaghi leaving the small town and entering a tunnel. Upon emerging they find that there is nothing beyond the tunnel; viza ve there is nothing in their world apart from the town.

An Italian director and cast, this has some of the flavour of other Italian horrors although is more of black comedy. While the dialogue tends to be confusing, the visuals and photography partly makes up for this although look somewhat amateurish.

There are some enjoyable moments, such as Gnaghi's infactuation with the dead daughter of the Mayor. As usual she comes back to life after 7 days, however, she was decapitated at the time of death so only her head remains alive. This doesn't bother old Gnaghi who gives his love a kiss and places her head within his television set...

Overall: Enjoyable in parts but somewhat erratic. 6 out of 10.

Dead Or Alive 2 : Birds (1999)
Directed by Takashi Miike

Another adventure with director Takashi Miike and again I'm left with more questions than answers. Treacle thick with style and imagery, this is not so much a sequal to the first Dead Or Alive movie, but instead an alternative reality version starring the same two lead characters. These guys have great screen presence and it is a joy to watch them play off each other.

The plot, which as usual with Miike, play second fiddle to the visuals and the characters relationships, involves two hitmen. They grew up together at an orphanage and unknowingly went into the same occupation later in life.

After they are both hired to perform the same hit they independently are drawn back to the orphanage where they were raised, still unaware of the others identity. When they finally do meet on the small island we are treated to a long segment of catching up. This part of the film plays out slowly and gently, very unlike the other Miike material I've seen to date, with the two meeting old childhood friends, helping the currently batch of orphans and generally reminiscing.

At the culmination of this, the two friends agree to become hitmen together, giving all their earning to help orphans all over the world. Hitment with hearts - it's a beautiful thing.

The feel of the movie then changes as the hitmen go about their work. With regard to the title of the movie - Birds. When the hitmen knock off another scumbag, wings emerge from their backs. This may signify their freedom, or have some kind of angel of death overtone. I suppose it is up to the viewer to decide.

The hitmen eventually get caught up with some younger contract killers and a gun battle ensues with our two protagonists getting shot (and possibly killed?). I add this last point since they then depart on a final journey back to the orphanage covered in blood but acting normally. I reckon that the final journey is taking place post mortem and is a metaphor for them returning to the place that they love, in death.

As with the majority of Takashi Miike films, it is the viewer who must fill in the blanks and formlate much of what is going on before their eyes. The director sets things up and gives teasing glances and ideas but never really completes the picture. As I've said before, this is something that both infuriates me and intrigues me by making my old brain tick.

The period on the island, at the orphanage, is packed with fantastic landscape shots and flashbacks to childhood times. This is in stark contrast to the hi-octane scenes of carnage when the two decide to become hitmen.

Overall : Simulataneously picturesque, violent and thoughtful. 7 out of 10.

King Cobra (1999)
Directed by David Hillenbrand

Another in the unending run of genetically-modified-giant-creature movies, King Cobra features a Rattle Snake spliced with a Cobra, to produce a giant 30 foot KING COBRA!!

Mr Miyagi.. er I mean.. Nick Hashimoto (Pat Morita) teams up with small town cop Jo and doctor Brad, to battle the slithering beast who is terrorising the townsfolk during the annual lager festival. Damned inconvenient for the local economy.

All the cliches are present and correct, from the disbelieving Mayor to the sex crazed teenagers who get what's coming to them for their sinful behaviour. The effects are pretty good, utilizing CGI and puppetry to create a reasonable looking cobra. Acting is as good as you'd expect from straight-to-vid actors.

Overall: Standard giant animal fare. 5 out of 10.

Peng shi zhi sang jin tian liang (2001)
AKA Human Pork Chop
Directed by Benny Chan Chi Shun


"Chunkblower Alert" and "This One Will Send Vomit Spewing". Phrases from the Internet Movie Database that both prompted me to catch this Asian movie. Sadly the reviewer omitted the words "disappointing", "boring" and "pointless" from their synopsis.

The film starts with the cops raiding a house, finding some drugs and a human skull, and taking the occupant into custody. The occupant and his wife are then questioned regarding the disappearance of local hooker. As they reveal their crime the story then unfolds...

The guy is in fact the hookers pimp and she has stolen money from him. Naughty hooker. So he asks for it back, plus interest, as one would. The hooker however is unable to pay him back so she is taken to the pimps house. We are then subjected to an hour of her being physically and mentally tortured such as the ever popular "Melting Drinking Straw On The Leg Game". She is also made to sit in the fridge, sleep in a cupboard and forced to eat excrement by the pimp and his sadistic henchmen. All very nasty but not very productive in reclaiming the money...

The girl eventually dies from a drug overdose in the house and the gang decide to hack up the girl to hide the evidence. They discard the majority of her in black bin bags which are put out in the trash. For some reason they keep the head in the fridge for a few days before boiling it and eating the resulting flavoursome broth. With some parsley and croutons. (I made the crouton bit up.)

Needless to say, the gang are herded up by the police after one of the gang, a friend of the murdered woman, squeals. The final text then tell us that they are all imprisoned for life and that the film was based on a true story.

Nothing much really happens in the movie. A woman is kidnapped and tortured for the duration of the film and since she behaves so pathetically, it's very hard to feel particularly sorry for her.

[After a bit of investigation I have discovered that this was not the "Human Pork Chop" film I initially thought it was. There appears to be another of the same name which seems more promising. I shall persevere and hopefully catch this at some stage.]

Overall: Like eating someones head, this leaves a bad taste in the mouth. 2.5 out of 10.

Motel Hell (1980)
Directed by Kevin Connor

Farmer Vincent's smoked meat is legendary all through the state due to his tender pork and special ingredient. What his customers don't know is that the special ingredient is none other that sweet human flesh. Bet you couldn't see that coming...

You see Farmer Vincent and his little sis Ida have taken it upon themselves to use folk that they believe are unworthy. Unfortunately, somewhat lacking in the moral guidlines department this basically encapsulates anyone who comes to his farm.

Vincent's unique agricultural methodolgy basically involves disabling a victim in any way possible, then dragging them to the special patch on the farm, digging a hole and planting the body up the shoulders. To avoid any noise pollution and cease the incessant cries for help, Vince slashes their vocal chords so that the best these human crops can muster is a muffled gargling sound. Much like a throat cancel victim without the electronic gizmo.. you know what I mean. They are also injected with a special serum which keeps them sedated.

There's a sub story involving a pretty young thang named Terry that Vincent "saves" from a bike crash (which he causes) near his farm. Oblivious to his similarity to Sweeny Todd, she begins to fall for him and they arrange to get married. Once the viewers nausea subsides at seeing a 23 year old kiss a 70 year old, we see that it's clear Vincent does have feelings for her. However he resigns himself to the fact that, as in most relationships, she must be added to his smoked beef jerky recipe.

Vincent's brother, or nephew, or something, who is the local sheriff, discovers this wicked plot and goes to save Terry. This results in a terrifying showdown involving chainsaws, Sheriff Bruce, Farmer Vincent (wearing a severed pigs head) and some of the human crops who have escaped. You couldn't make this shit up.

The actual motel plays a very small part in the whole proceedings. Only one couple book-in during the whole movie and needless to say they soon became mince meat. Literally.

Gore wise the film is relatively tame, with the camera cutting away when anything bloody and goulish (read : interesting) is about to occur. You get the feeling that inspiration may have come from Deliverance (squeal piggy!) and Chainsaw Massacre (chainsaw fight) but in the end this flick moves too slowly without maximising upon the subject of it's namesake.

Overall: Rather slow and little to do with a motel. 3.5 out of 10.

Rawhead Rex (1986)
Directed by George Pavlou

Based on a short story by Clive Barker, Rawhead Rex should probably have remained solely in the paper based format, thus saving me 4 bob on the DVD. I knew I was in for trouble as soon as the DVD's menu appeared with a very dodgy looking monster and some even dodgier CGI.

Rawhead is basically a demon who was banished underground, but manages to escape and terrorises a small Irish village. An American author, who is studying religious sites in the village, works out that this is a pre-Chrisitian entity and that the windows within the local Church hold the secret to defeating Rawhead.

While the acting in general is reasonable, there is not much in the way of trademark Clive Barker gore and the principle monster looks like a cheap joke shop mask. Also, this flick features the most blatant and unneccessary sequel-seeking ending. Most disappointing.

The only redeeming feature of the film is when Rex takes on a caravan park full pikeys - rather amusing.

Overall: Rawhead = Bawhead... 3 out of 10.

Megyaku: Akuma no yorokobi (1995)
A.K.A Naked Blood

Directed by Hisayasu Sato

A nurses son invents a powerful pain killer which releases pleasurable endorphins when the body experiences pain. He substitutes his serum with his mothers pregnancy experiment and thus three unsuspecting women become his guinea pigs.

The drug has strange effects on two of the woman. Any pain they experience is converted into pleasure so they begin to harm themselves in all manner of gorey ways. A charming little scene comes to mind in which a woman uses a fork to remove her eyeball before eating it. Tastes like chicken I believe...

One of the woman, who is an insomniac, doesn't seem to suffer any ill effects and she and the boy strike up a relationship.

Slow at times, but very unsettling, Naked Blood is the type of film one could watch in preperation from some of the more intense Japanese films such as Ichi the Killer.

Overall: Unusual but ultimately unsatisfying. 6 out of 10.

El Dia de la bestia (1995)
A.K.A. The Day Of The Beast

Directed by Alex de la Iglesia

An enjoyable, if sometimes slow, look into the coming of Satan and the end of the world. Day of the Beast features a priest who has broken a biblical code with gives the date that the Antichrist will be born - the day of armageddon. He then tries to sin as much as possible to gain the devils trust before invoking the beast itself with the help of a death metal shop owner and a TV psychic. This unlikely trio end up striking an unusual friendship and the movie plays on their amusing relationship.

Although the ending is something of a let down, the movie is a refreshing nugget from outside Hollywood.

Overall: Creepy Spanish thriller with some comedic moments. 7 out of 10.