The Ramblings Of A Madman

2004-02-06T15:46:00.000Z

Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues (1985)
Directed by Charles B. Pierce
AKA The Barbaric Beast of Boggy Creek, Part II

Rather unfairly given 2 out of 10 from the IMDB, Boggy Creek 2 is a charming if slightly uneventful look into the Arkansas swamp beast.

Starring the films director Charles B. Pierce as Professor Lockart, affectionately named "Doc" by his buddies, he takes a couple of his best students into the swamps to investigate the claims of the Boggy Creek monster. The students consist of Tanya, the good looking one, Leslie, the moaning one, and Tim, the one who always has his shirt off to show off his skinny bod.

The "plot" basically consists of the group arriving, being attacked by a dog, being scared, then finding the baby monster in a fat rednecks house and returning it to the big monster. The end.

In between this there are few over-focused flashback scenes involving people's encounter with the Boggy Creek monster which I must reveal at this point, is in fact a man in a ape costume.

High point of the film would be at the end (when the beer had kicked in) where the group meet up a with a fat semi-naked redneck who referred to the Professor as "Cuz". In my opinion this was the real Boggy Creek monster.

Overall: Watchable but unexciting. 3.5 out of 10.

2004-02-03T14:47:00.000Z

Battle Royale II (2003)
AKA Requiem
Directed by Kenta & Kinji Fukasaku

Taking place several years after the original Battle Royale, the two survivors have setup a terrorist organisation against the adult population who persecuted them. In order to combat this terror element, a programme is setup: BR II - Battle Royale 2.

Similarly to the original film, this involves taking a group of kids (about fourty) with behavioural problems, drugging them and making them do battle. This time, instead of fighting each other, they must storm the terrorists island and kill their leader Shuya Nanahara.

The debriefing process, again similar to the first BR, involves the students being issued with equipment and necklaces that explode if they go out of range or, this time, if their randomly chosen partner is killed. This is quickly proven to work when one of the students is shot and killed after refusing to participate in the programme. Their parters necklace starts bleeping faster and faster before their jugular crashes open.

Once the students are kitted up, they are transferred onto the island and one of the best sequences of the movie begins. Much like a scene out of Black Hawk Down, the boat landing provides scene after scene of adrenaline pumping action - hand held camera shots with fast cuts, mixed with explosions and hot lead bullets zinging left and right. Nearly half of the students are slaughtered, either by bullet or necklace, during this section, but a number of them do make it further into the island and nearer to the terrorists.

Their teacher, who is controlling the programme, is played by Riki Takeuchi from the Dead Or Alive series of films and his over the top performance almost steals the show. He is further motivated to destroy the terrorists since one of their bombings killed his wife and daughter.

Back to the island and the students are involved in a number of skirmishes with the terrorists and a good few are killed. They eventually invade the terrorist hideout only to be out numbered. Both groups discover that they are in the same boat, young people being forced to do the adults bidding. The terrorists use a electromagnetic pulse machine to disable the other students necklaces before joining forces to take on the adults.

At this point the film beings to get bogged down with supposed moral issues, over the top cheesyness and confusing character relationships. The kids begin to see that they have flaws as much as the adults and begin to empathise with them. Until they start storming the island that is!

The finale is similar to the films boat landing sequence, this time it is the adults who are massacred as they invade the island. While not as gory as the first film, these epic battle sequences utilize about one trillion bullets and various indendary devices to good effect.

The ending opts for a rather soppy approach, indeed the last five minutes could have been removed and left the film a richer experience.

Overall: Good premise and exciting battle scenes marred by over cheesyness. 7 out of 10.

2004-02-02T14:32:00.000Z

Drunken Monkey (2002)
Directed by Chia-Liang Liu
AKA Chui ma lau

Drunken Monkey is a homage to old school kung-fu films of the 70's, and in particular a nod to Jackie Chan's Drunken Master.

The Master in this case is the leader of a high risk delivery service who is betrayed by his brother who want to use the delivery service to transfer Opium. Left for dead he is found by a young girl who heals him and they become friends.

They story then follows two young men who are in the process of creating a Monkey boxing picture book but need to find the Master to get the last drawing. They travel off to find him and, after some general wackiness, eventually befriend him and are trained in the style of drunken monkey boxing.
The movie then takes the form of a revenge flick, with Drunken Monkey and his diciples going after his brother and the ownership of the delivery service.

Visual impressive, drunken monkey boxing basically involves performing moves based on the simian namesake. Wine is then used to induce a drunken state and improve the fighters powers.

Slow at times, Drunken Monkey has some extremely well choreographed fight scenes. The casting is excellent, with each character playing their parts to perfection. There is also great deal of humour, such as a scene involving one of the young men being hoisted around on ropes to perform some crazy monkey boxing style moves.

Overall: Slick Drunken Master update, but could do with more action. 7 out of 10.

2004-01-26T14:17:00.000Z

God Told Me To (1976)
Directed by Larry Cohen

An interesting premise: What if God made his presence known to the world by telling people to kill each other.

The movie starts with a number of motiveless killings where the only connection is the killers confession, when asked why they did it they say "God told me to". Detective Lieutenant Peter J. Nicholas (Tony Lo Bianco) takes on the case, driven by his strong religious roots, and discovers that each of the killers met with a strange figure, who witnesses were unable to describe.

The killings continue, and Nicholas faith is beginning to flounder. He discovers that his only lead, the strange figure, is named Philips and during an search of his apartment Nicholas is attacked by Philips' mother. She is killed in the struggle but a post mortem discovers that she was a virgin and further investigation reveals that her child did not have any sexual organs.

As the mystery increases, Detective Nicholas discovers that Philips' mother reported being abducted many years before, and being artificially inseminated.

Rapidly losing the plot Nicholas briefly confronts Philips which results in a standoff. Nicholas feels that he has some powers of his own and, being adopted early in life, searches out his real mother. It transpires that she too had been abducted and inseminated.

Things speed along with Nicholas fending off attacks on his life by a group of twelve who believe that Philips is the messiah. The finale involves a showdown between Nicholas and Philips, a figure engulfed in light, resulting in the death of Philips. Nicholas' final words when he is asked why he killed Philips: "God told me to".....

While the initial premise is interesting and the flip to the alien connection is bearable, the films ending seemed to lose the plot. With various references to religion this flick might not be everyones cuppa however the film is made more enjoyable thanks to the lead characters engaging journey from lowly cop to something much more.

Overall: interesting themes if not over eccentric. 6 out of 10.

2004-01-21T11:58:00.000Z

Island Of Death (1975)
Directed by Nico Mastorakis
AKA Pedhia tou dhiavolou, Ta

Island Of Death turned out to be a rather watchable horror cum shocker and Nico Mastorakis first film. It has a highly charged 70's feel to it, including a lot of the eccentricities that came with the time and encompassing just about every "perversion" that one can think of. The film features, in no particular order: nudity, male and female homosexuality, drug taking, bestiality, sodomy, rape, incest, murder, sexual urination, and rascism. Not bad for a directorial debut.

That aside, the story involves a Mickey and Malory style couple, in this case Christopher and Celia, who have run away to a small Greek island, and undertake a spree of murder and depravity. Christopher is a photographer and enjoys snapping his kills which just underlines the films constant feeling of voyeurism. Furthermore, at the end of each major scene, there is the sound of a camera winding on which adds to this feeling.

Christopher has a self delusion that that his murders are justified; black people and gay people deserve to die as they are perverse and both Christopher and Celia use their sexuality to lure other victims to their doom. Some of the killings are most imaginative ranging from death by whitewash consumtion to being beheaded by a bull dozer.

Throughout the film, it's evident that Christopher is controlling Celia but her interest in these killings begins to wane. At the climax of the film, as the police are now on their trail, they arrive at a farmhouse where an illiterate farmer takes them in. However, he turns violent and rapes both Christopher and Celia before quickly deciding his sexual preference and throwing Christopher into a pit of lime stone. With a good knowledge of rudimentary chemistry Chris knows that if any water touches the hot lime stone the resulting reaction will kill him. However, shouting out for Celia does no good as she has spurned Christopher and gone off with the farmer. Women!

To top it all at the very end we discover that the loving couple are in fact brother and sister! Then it rains. (Remember the limestone.)

Overall: Grandly perverse! 7 out of 10.

2004-01-13T16:09:00.000Z

Dead or Alive: Final (2002)
Directed by Takashi Miike

Miike's Dead or Alive trilogy ends, appropriately, with Dead or Alive: Final. Set 300 years in the future, the city of Yokohama is under the rule of an evil homosexual mayor who forces the population to consume a drug with controls behaviour and fertility. This is designed to overcome the problems of the "Old Times", when war and over population reduced much of the world to rubble.

The story stars the same two actor that have been in all the Dead or Alive films, Riki Takeuchi and Sho Aikawa, who are a couple of the most stylish and watchable Eastern actors I've ever seen. This time around Riki plays tough cop Officer Honda who is searching for Sho, a Replicant (Bladerunner..?) called Ryô.

The Replicants in DoA are cooler than ice with lightning fast reactions and super strength. I'm easily impressed with Matrix style effects and was happy to see a couple of scenes paying homage to this. In one instance, Ryô catches a bullet in a L shaped pipe which then shoots up into the air killing a bird. Another scene involves Ryô being shot at from behind; we see the bullet in slow motion with the energy waves flowing behind it. Ryô, the Replicant, slowly turns around and in one motion catches the bullet in between his palms before spinning around a releasing it back at the bad guy head. Blam! Sweet!

Ryô gets caught up with a bunch of rebels who refuse to take the Mayors drug, and the story begins to look at the way that a mechanical being can show friendship and emotion towards humans. It turns out that although they were built as fighting machines, they all seek love like humans do.

While the Replicants character is relatively simple, Officer Honda is a much more complex person. Again, he oozes with cool. He has a black and white reversable trench coat which is generally worn with the white side showing. As soon as combat is about to ensue, however, he whips it round to the black side. Let's get it on!

Much like the story in Bladerunner, it turns out that Officer Honda, and his wife and daughter, are Replicants, further blurring the line about who is human and what is humanity.

Eventually, Honda and Ryô meet up for a showdown. However, their strengths are equal and as they attack each other face to face there is an explosion. In what is possibly Takashi Miike's strangest endings, Honda and Ryô have become combined into a super robot called DOA 2001. This is the entity that they both remember being part of all their lives and we are shown flashbacks of all the other Dead or Alive movies showing the progression up to this point.

To ensure confusion the super robots head is then revealed. A giant penis. Yes you read correctly.

The colour within the movie seems to have undergone some kind of processing since the reds and yellows seem to be very overbearing. This could be to suggest that the ozone layer has depleted further and does work well in giving the movie a strange otherworldy feel.

Overall: Continuing the Miike madness with well developed characters and excellent fight sequences. 7 out of 10.

2004-01-13T15:22:00.000Z

Dellamorte Dellamore (1994)
AKA Cemetery Man
Directed by Michele Soavi

Dellamorte Dellamore stars Rupert Everett as the guardian of a strange cemeterery in which the occupants come back to life after 7 days in search of blood. It is his job to return the walking dead back to their graves which can only be done by splitting their skulls open.

The film starts well with Francesco Dellamorte (Everett) answering a knock at the door to be confronted by a zombie. He casually pull out a revolver and blows the suckers head off. We then watch as he and his strange mute companion Gnaghi, re-bury the body and the scene is set.

Things go downhill somewhat after the introduction of a mysterious woman whom Dellamorte falls in love with. She is bitten by one of the walking dead and dies herself. She then appears as different characters to Dellamorte, such as the Mayors PR and a student, and he falls in love with her each time only for her to die again. The actress who plays Dellamorte's love interest in a georgous sight to behold and not embarassed to show a little flesh. Nudge nudge.

Eventually Dellamorte gets sick of killing the dead and begins killing the living. Or so it seems... There are so many dream sequences and twists that the viewer doesn't really know what is going on. The movie feels like a series of vignettes rather than a complete story.

The finale of the movie sees Dellamorte and sidekick Gnaghi leaving the small town and entering a tunnel. Upon emerging they find that there is nothing beyond the tunnel; viza ve there is nothing in their world apart from the town.

An Italian director and cast, this has some of the flavour of other Italian horrors although is more of black comedy. While the dialogue tends to be confusing, the visuals and photography partly makes up for this although look somewhat amateurish.

There are some enjoyable moments, such as Gnaghi's infactuation with the dead daughter of the Mayor. As usual she comes back to life after 7 days, however, she was decapitated at the time of death so only her head remains alive. This doesn't bother old Gnaghi who gives his love a kiss and places her head within his television set...

Overall: Enjoyable in parts but somewhat erratic. 6 out of 10.

2004-01-07T16:32:00.000Z

Dead Or Alive 2 : Birds (1999)
Directed by Takashi Miike

Another adventure with director Takashi Miike and again I'm left with more questions than answers. Treacle thick with style and imagery, this is not so much a sequal to the first Dead Or Alive movie, but instead an alternative reality version starring the same two lead characters. These guys have great screen presence and it is a joy to watch them play off each other.

The plot, which as usual with Miike, play second fiddle to the visuals and the characters relationships, involves two hitmen. They grew up together at an orphanage and unknowingly went into the same occupation later in life.

After they are both hired to perform the same hit they independently are drawn back to the orphanage where they were raised, still unaware of the others identity. When they finally do meet on the small island we are treated to a long segment of catching up. This part of the film plays out slowly and gently, very unlike the other Miike material I've seen to date, with the two meeting old childhood friends, helping the currently batch of orphans and generally reminiscing.

At the culmination of this, the two friends agree to become hitmen together, giving all their earning to help orphans all over the world. Hitment with hearts - it's a beautiful thing.

The feel of the movie then changes as the hitmen go about their work. With regard to the title of the movie - Birds. When the hitmen knock off another scumbag, wings emerge from their backs. This may signify their freedom, or have some kind of angel of death overtone. I suppose it is up to the viewer to decide.

The hitmen eventually get caught up with some younger contract killers and a gun battle ensues with our two protagonists getting shot (and possibly killed?). I add this last point since they then depart on a final journey back to the orphanage covered in blood but acting normally. I reckon that the final journey is taking place post mortem and is a metaphor for them returning to the place that they love, in death.

As with the majority of Takashi Miike films, it is the viewer who must fill in the blanks and formlate much of what is going on before their eyes. The director sets things up and gives teasing glances and ideas but never really completes the picture. As I've said before, this is something that both infuriates me and intrigues me by making my old brain tick.

The period on the island, at the orphanage, is packed with fantastic landscape shots and flashbacks to childhood times. This is in stark contrast to the hi-octane scenes of carnage when the two decide to become hitmen.

Overall : Simulataneously picturesque, violent and thoughtful. 7 out of 10.

2004-01-05T14:42:00.000Z

King Cobra (1999)
Directed by David Hillenbrand

Another in the unending run of genetically-modified-giant-creature movies, King Cobra features a Rattle Snake spliced with a Cobra, to produce a giant 30 foot KING COBRA!!

Mr Miyagi.. er I mean.. Nick Hashimoto (Pat Morita) teams up with small town cop Jo and doctor Brad, to battle the slithering beast who is terrorising the townsfolk during the annual lager festival. Damned inconvenient for the local economy.

All the cliches are present and correct, from the disbelieving Mayor to the sex crazed teenagers who get what's coming to them for their sinful behaviour. The effects are pretty good, utilizing CGI and puppetry to create a reasonable looking cobra. Acting is as good as you'd expect from straight-to-vid actors.

Overall: Standard giant animal fare. 5 out of 10.

2004-01-05T13:11:00.000Z

Peng shi zhi sang jin tian liang (2001)
AKA Human Pork Chop
Directed by Benny Chan Chi Shun

"Chunkblower Alert" and "This One Will Send Vomit Spewing". Phrases from the Internet Movie Database that both prompted me to catch this Asian movie. Sadly the reviewer omitted the words "disappointing", "boring" and "pointless" from their synopsis.

The film starts with the cops raiding a house, finding some drugs and a human skull, and taking the occupant into custody. The occupant and his wife are then questioned regarding the disappearance of local hooker. As they reveal their crime the story then unfolds...

The guy is in fact the hookers pimp and she has stolen money from him. Naughty hooker. So he asks for it back, plus interest, as one would. The hooker however is unable to pay him back so she is taken to the pimps house. We are then subjected to an hour of her being physically and mentally tortured such as the ever popular "Melting Drinking Straw On The Leg Game". She is also made to sit in the fridge, sleep in a cupboard and forced to eat excrement by the pimp and his sadistic henchmen. All very nasty but not very productive in reclaiming the money...

The girl eventually dies from a drug overdose in the house and the gang decide to hack up the girl to hide the evidence. They discard the majority of her in black bin bags which are put out in the trash. For some reason they keep the head in the fridge for a few days before boiling it and eating the resulting flavoursome broth. With some parsley and croutons. (I made the crouton bit up.)

Needless to say, the gang are herded up by the police after one of the gang, a friend of the murdered woman, squeals. The final text then tell us that they are all imprisoned for life and that the film was based on a true story.

Nothing much really happens in the movie. A woman is kidnapped and tortured for the duration of the film and since she behaves so pathetically, it's very hard to feel particularly sorry for her.

[After a bit of investigation I have discovered that this was not the "Human Pork Chop" film I initially thought it was. There appears to be another of the same name which seems more promising. I shall persevere and hopefully catch this at some stage.]

Overall: Like eating someones head, this leaves a bad taste in the mouth. 2.5 out of 10.

2003-12-18T19:28:00.000Z

Motel Hell (1980)
Directed by Kevin Connor

Farmer Vincent's smoked meat is legendary all through the state due to his tender pork and special ingredient. What his customers don't know is that the special ingredient is none other that sweet human flesh. Bet you couldn't see that coming...

You see Farmer Vincent and his little sis Ida have taken it upon themselves to use folk that they believe are unworthy. Unfortunately, somewhat lacking in the moral guidlines department this basically encapsulates anyone who comes to his farm.

Vincent's unique agricultural methodolgy basically involves disabling a victim in any way possible, then dragging them to the special patch on the farm, digging a hole and planting the body up the shoulders. To avoid any noise pollution and cease the incessant cries for help, Vince slashes their vocal chords so that the best these human crops can muster is a muffled gargling sound. Much like a throat cancel victim without the electronic gizmo.. you know what I mean. They are also injected with a special serum which keeps them sedated.

There's a sub story involving a pretty young thang named Terry that Vincent "saves" from a bike crash (which he causes) near his farm. Oblivious to his similarity to Sweeny Todd, she begins to fall for him and they arrange to get married. Once the viewers nausea subsides at seeing a 23 year old kiss a 70 year old, we see that it's clear Vincent does have feelings for her. However he resigns himself to the fact that, as in most relationships, she must be added to his smoked beef jerky recipe.

Vincent's brother, or nephew, or something, who is the local sheriff, discovers this wicked plot and goes to save Terry. This results in a terrifying showdown involving chainsaws, Sheriff Bruce, Farmer Vincent (wearing a severed pigs head) and some of the human crops who have escaped. You couldn't make this shit up.

The actual motel plays a very small part in the whole proceedings. Only one couple book-in during the whole movie and needless to say they soon became mince meat. Literally.

Gore wise the film is relatively tame, with the camera cutting away when anything bloody and goulish (read : interesting) is about to occur. You get the feeling that inspiration may have come from Deliverance (squeal piggy!) and Chainsaw Massacre (chainsaw fight) but in the end this flick moves too slowly without maximising upon the subject of it's namesake.

Overall: Rather slow and little to do with a motel. 3.5 out of 10.

2003-12-15T16:55:00.000Z

Rawhead Rex (1986)
Directed by George Pavlou

Based on a short story by Clive Barker, Rawhead Rex should probably have remained solely in the paper based format, thus saving me 4 bob on the DVD. I knew I was in for trouble as soon as the DVD's menu appeared with a very dodgy looking monster and some even dodgier CGI.

Rawhead is basically a demon who was banished underground, but manages to escape and terrorises a small Irish village. An American author, who is studying religious sites in the village, works out that this is a pre-Chrisitian entity and that the windows within the local Church hold the secret to defeating Rawhead.

While the acting in general is reasonable, there is not much in the way of trademark Clive Barker gore and the principle monster looks like a cheap joke shop mask. Also, this flick features the most blatant and unneccessary sequel-seeking ending. Most disappointing.

The only redeeming feature of the film is when Rex takes on a caravan park full pikeys - rather amusing.

Overall: Rawhead = Bawhead... 3 out of 10.

2003-12-03T12:25:00.001Z

Megyaku: Akuma no yorokobi (1995)
A.K.A Naked Blood

Directed by Hisayasu Sato

A nurses son invents a powerful pain killer which releases pleasurable endorphins when the body experiences pain. He substitutes his serum with his mothers pregnancy experiment and thus three unsuspecting women become his guinea pigs.

The drug has strange effects on two of the woman. Any pain they experience is converted into pleasure so they begin to harm themselves in all manner of gorey ways. A charming little scene comes to mind in which a woman uses a fork to remove her eyeball before eating it. Tastes like chicken I believe...

One of the woman, who is an insomniac, doesn't seem to suffer any ill effects and she and the boy strike up a relationship.

Slow at times, but very unsettling, Naked Blood is the type of film one could watch in preperation from some of the more intense Japanese films such as Ichi the Killer.

Overall: Unusual but ultimately unsatisfying. 6 out of 10.

2003-12-03T12:25:00.000Z

El Dia de la bestia (1995)
A.K.A. The Day Of The Beast

Directed by Alex de la Iglesia

An enjoyable, if sometimes slow, look into the coming of Satan and the end of the world. Day of the Beast features a priest who has broken a biblical code with gives the date that the Antichrist will be born - the day of armageddon. He then tries to sin as much as possible to gain the devils trust before invoking the beast itself with the help of a death metal shop owner and a TV psychic. This unlikely trio end up striking an unusual friendship and the movie plays on their amusing relationship.

Although the ending is something of a let down, the movie is a refreshing nugget from outside Hollywood.

Overall: Creepy Spanish thriller with some comedic moments. 7 out of 10.

2003-12-02T17:19:00.000Z

2019 - Dopo la caduta di New York (1983)
A.K.A. 2019: After the Fall of New York

Directed by Sergio Martino

This really is the epitome of cheesy sci-fi. Home made costumes, dodgy lasers and wobbly props galore, this is apparently an Italian remake of John Carpenters Escape From New York and there are certainly some similarities such as the near futuristic NY setting, the rugged hero, the ugly deformed bad guys. The dodgy dubbing, however, is unique to this version.

The story is set within a post-apocalyptic New York. Our hero Parsifal has been sent to search for the last fertile woman capable of giving birth to a healthy baby. Along the way he meets up with the regular bunch of freaks, mutants and general miscreants that you would expect to see in such a film.

There's not much more to say about it really. The story plods along gently with a few unnecessarily gorey shots, not that I'm complaining. If nothing else, it's worth a watch just so you can laugh at those dodgy laser effects.

Overall: Cheesy. 4.75 out of 10.

2003-11-26T14:54:00.000Z

Cabin Fever (2002)
Directed by Eli Roth

Cabin Fever features a bunch of good lookin' kids who head off to party at an out of the way cabin to celebrate the end of high school. There, they are confronted by a guy suffering from a nasty flesh eating bug and, one by one, they catch this bug. Hilarity ensues!

It is refreshing for me to take a break away from the 70's and 80's horror and go for something a little more polished and professionally produced. It doesn't neccessarily mean it will be a better film, but sometimes the lack of modern film making procedures begins to take its toll.

I notice that the directors CV (or resume) contains a number of projects with the Troma team, and there are some elements within Cabin Fever that draw from those experiences - the dark humour, slightly thin plot and effective use of gore.

While the flick got a bit of a ribbing at the time, I didn't think it was too bad. Take the movies primary ingrediencts. You've got eye candy in the case of the two female members of the group - Jordan Ladd and Cerina Vincent. You've got an interesting and promosing premise - a flesh eating bug. You got a good lashing of humour mixed with scares both psychological and visual. You've also got some rednecks. Bingo! It's sort of a mix of The Andromeda Strain and Deliverence.

Overall: Effectively done with realistic gore and some nice ladies to eye up. Until their bits fall off. 7 out of 10.

2003-11-25T17:15:00.000Z

**DODGY HORROR FILM REVIEW DOUBLE BILL**

Massacre at Central High (1976)
Directed by Rene Daalder

Zombie Island Massacre (1984)
Directed by John T. Carter

During a period of convalescence, after suffering a bout of the old 6-days-on-the-sauce-itis, I sat in bed and watched a couple of movies from my overgrowing collection. Sadly, I was let down by both movies and I got progressively more ill. To that end, I write this review with my remaining life force.

The first, and slightly less disappointing, Massacre at Central High, features a kid called David who moves to a new school prompted by the fact that his old buddy Mark is studying there. However, Mark has changed. While still friendly to David, he has fallen in with a bad crowd and has become a bully to the dweebs in the school.

Mark doesn't see himself as a bully, per se, more as a leader, top of the food chain type of thing. David, doesn't agree and starts to help the dweebs instead of being cool and bullying them around. Well, Mark's bully buddies see this as a problem and pay David a visit in his garage where he's working on his car. One thing leads to another and one of David's legs gets crushed under a car. Ouch! Did I mention that David likes athletics and has inspirations to become a sprinter. Double ouch!

Anyway, although he is now half-crippled, he doesn't rat in the bully boys to the cops, that's not his style. Instead he gets his own back by spying on them and performing some deadly act of sabotage, be it to a hand glider, van or swimming pool.

So with the bullys out of the way you would think that everyone at the school would be happy. Well, to start with they are. But after a while it is aparent that due to the lack of "alpha" males to keep everyone in check, the school begins to decend into anarchy as new alphas try to emerge. (Don't let the fact there doesn't to be a principle of any teachers worry you. This is just a small omission to make the film actually make some iota of sense.)

David, whose now gone a bit loopy, sees his new mission to be that of wiping out these new antagonizers through a variety of novel methods (I'll keep these methods secret in case you decide to check out this top movie...). Finally, David, whose now positively insane, decides to blow up the whole goddamned school during the prom, but Mark and his girlfriend find out about this dasterdly gig and turn up with three-minutes to go. David who has fallen for his friends missus and doesn't really want to kill his old friend, runs out of the school to get rid of the bomb... BOOM!... The school is saved, but Dave is now potted meat.

Kudos to the director for attempting to make a social comment within the confines of an 70’s high school drama. Arseburgers to the marketing people who put some guy, who doesn’t appear in the movie, on the front of the DVD case with a great big bloody axe. It seems to have been marketed as an horrific bloodbath, but instead is just an average revenge drama.

Acting is average, with a couple of young B list faces that you might recognise. The language and clothing is very retro, and provided me with a little chuckle, in between the sobs of feeling so let down.

Overall: Doesn’t do what is says on the tin. 4 out of 10.

Next up, Zombie Island Massacre, where only the central word rings true. That’s right, no zombies and no massacre. There was a credit to the Troma team so I was expecting some really bad acting backed up by over the top gore. Sadly, I discovered reasonable bad acting backup up by very little gore.

Plot wise, we’ve got a bunch of unrelated singles and couples who take a daytrip, while on holiday in the Caribbean, to a tropical island. Once there they watch the locals perform a voodoo show and appear to bring a corpse back to life. They’re all quite freaked out but dismiss it as a tourist show and return to their bus.

Unfortunately their driver has disappeared and the tour guide soon follows suit. So the party all head up to a house they saw on the way in and the fun begins. Something seems to be following them and they’re soon getting bumped off in remarkably unimaginatively and bloodless ways – could this be the zombie from the voodoo show?

Upon arriving at the house there are only a few people left and the “zombie” is almost upon them! The arrival of an old man complicates things further. We learn that he is in cahoots with one of the holiday makers to smuggle drugs, and that the zombies are in fact a rival gang trying to get there smack back.

This film is too poor to try to introduce any complicated plot twists like that. If it had stuck to the voodoo murderous zombie route we’d all be happy but oh no. The only redeeming feature of this disappointing movie was the complete overuse of boobies.

Overlall: Doesn’t do what is says on the title. 3 out of 10.

2003-11-19T18:28:00.000Z

Visitor Q (2001)
Directed by Takashi Miike

Without a doubt this has to be the most bizzare, vile, disturbing and unpredictable motion picture I have ever witnessed. I LOVE IT!

If Ichi the Killer, also directed by Miike, takes the prize for the most violent film, Visitor Q get first prize for the strangest.
The Elephant Man would win that, but it's so boring I've never made it to the end.

The story involves an extremely dysfunctional and violent family who, after being visited by a mysterious character, remain strange but become closer to each other.

The film starts with a man, Kiyoshi, visiting a prostitute. Graphic, yet fuzzed out, scenes are played out and we discover that the prostitute is his daughter.
Back at the family home the mans son, Takuya, bursts in on his mother and attacks her with a carpet beater. The son in turn is bullied by his school chums, with fireworks repeatedly thrown through his window.

On the way home from the lady of ill repute, Kiyoshi, is sitting on a stationary subway train when someone open the window and whacks him with a large rock on the head.
This is the visitor, and for some reason he ends up staying in the family home.

What follows really can't be explained - it must be watched. It basically involves the various family members facing and eventually overcoming their problems.
It also involves necrophilia, skat, murder and a sea of boobie milk.

Overall: Shocking but watchable, with strong family values. And booby milk. 10/10.

2003-11-13T15:30:00.000Z

Ruo sha [Red To Kill] (1994)
Directed by Hin Sing 'Billy' Tang

Continuing my facination with the world of Japanese obscure cinema, Red To Kill involves a muscular gentleman who flips out when he sees the colour red and rapes woman. Not much of a tag line I admit, but the film itself is curiously watchable.

The film starts with a woman being abducted and raped, her arms are broken, and a plastic toy jammed in her mouth to keep her quiet. The abductors face is not shown, but he is clearly enjoying the experience. So much so, that he manages to kill the woman.

We then meet Ka Lok a social services worker who has try to talk a mother down from a window ledge. She fails and the woman, and her young son, fall to the street below in a bloody mess. Ka Lok's next job is to take a mentally challenged young woman, Ming-Ming, into care since her father has been killed in a car accident. The care home is full of other disabled people, some of whom seem to be overacting slightly, and while at first scared, Ming-Ming soon fits in.

A spate of killings around the care home result in public paroxysm but the home's agreeable supervisor Mr Chan, is able to quell the dissent.

It's not long before we discover that it is Mr Chan who is the killer/rapist and we also learn why he flips out when he sees the colour red. Apparently, his father was killed by his mother's lover when he discovered their infidelity, with blood covering everything. His unbalanced mother then killed Mr Chan's brother, and herself, all with more blood splattering. Thus, from that day on, whenever he sees red he becomes enraged and takes it out sexually on any woman in the vicinity.

Unfortunately, Ming Ming wasn't privvy to this information, so when Mr Chan sees her wearing a nice red dress, he FLIPS OUT. In fairness, he does try to warn her to get away, but to no avail. She is beaten, stripped and raped, all very visually, all the while Mr Chan is whispering how much he loves her and wants to marry her.

After the rape, Mr Chan is taken to court, but thanks to a good lawyer, he gets off Scott free. Damn justice system!

Mr Chan, again tries to rape Ming Ming, but the social worker, Ka Lok, who has remained friends with Ming Ming, interrupts him wherin he starts throwing her around the room and chasing her with a sledgehammer. She ends up pinned down and Mr Chan proclaims "I'm going to f*ck you to death!". He jumps onto her but she rolls away revealing a buzz saw! Sweet. She flips it on and Mr Chan lands, face first into the saw. Double sweet.

Although my synopsis may portray the film as an horrific exploitation of woman and the mentally disabled, the woman did end up winning, to a degree, and the disabled characters were portrayed as very caring individuals. There was a very touching moment when, after Ming Mings rape, she is huddled and unresponsive and her disabled friends are all around her, not really understanding what is going on, but saddened that their friend is not happy.

Mr Chan is amazing as the mad colour biased rapist. You get the feeling that he can be a normal and gentle person if it were not for his "affliction". However, when he loses it he really loses it with this face contorting into evil smiles and insane looks of ecstasy.

Overall: Violent and shocking, but not thoughtless. 7.25 out of 10.

2003-11-10T22:43:00.000Z

Non si deve profanare il sonno dei morti (1974)
Directed by Jorge Grau

With a variety of synonyms to chose from - Breakfast at the Manchester Morgue, Don't Open the Window, The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue, Zombi 3 - the most commonly used seems to be Let Sleeping Corpses Lie so I'll go with that.

What we have here is a Spanish and Italian interpretation of the classic 70's zombie flick, undoubtably started by the release of The Night Of The Living Dead. Strangely, for a southern European film, the action begins in London before moving to a scenic area outside Manchester.

We begin with George, an antique and curio shop owner, closing shop for the holidays and taking off on his motorbike to meet his friends in their country house. We get a rather amusing look at 1970's Londoners with their long hair and flares before some sustained shots of smog and litter. Hmmm.. man's abuse of the land eh? Could this have some meaning later on in the film per chance...?

Anyhoo, George bumps into, quite literally, the fiery haired Edna at a garage, knackering his bike. She's then obliged to take him in her battered mini since she's going his way anyway. When they stop for directions George goes to speak to a farmer who is currently testing a new piece of equiment from the Department of Agriculture. It looks like a Blue Peter job to me, but apparently it utilizes sonic waves to kill nasty bugs by making them go mental and kill each other. George is not impressed since he reckons the countryside should be left unspoiled and, in any case, he doesn't trust government types in white jump suits.

Meanwhile, back at the car, Edna has a nasty run in with a wild eyed, groaning hobo-type. However, the farmer tells them that Guthrie the hobo fell into the river and drowned earlier that week, so it couldn't have been him... could it? So it's back to the mini and over to Edna's sister Katie, who lives nearby. However, the wild eyed, groaning hobo-type has made his way over there and has killed Katie's hubby. The police, most of whom have Scottish accents except the Inspector who is Irish..?, reckon it was Katie that done it since she's a bit of a junkie which causes her to breakdown wherein she's taken to the local hospital.

George and Edna, head over to the cemetary to check out the grave of the Guthrie and surprise! he's not in the grave. However, not one to disappoint, Guthrie shows up in the crypt and traps George and Edna. To give himself the upperhand, Guthrie runs some blood onto the bodies of the other corpses in the crypt and they soon come to life! Gazooks! The cop that arrives isn't much help, he tries to use his radio to call the Inspector but ends up with his guts being chomped by the zombies. This is the first scene of quality gore and the zombies really seem like they're enjoying eating the vital organs of this bobbie. George throws an old paraffin lamp at them and this seems to do the trick. Unfortunately, when the Inspector eventually arrives, he reckons George is a cop killer and satanist, and they start a manhunt for him.

It all starts to become clear now, to George at least, that the Blue Peter sonic device is reanimating the corpses so he goes to destroy the damn thing before heading to the hospital to burn all the corpses. Suffice to say it all ends in a gruesome showdown in the hospital. There is a nice scene where a receptionist gets ripped to shreds, including her bobbies, by three zombies.

The ending, while not a complete surprise, is a bit more thoughtful than most zombie flicks. Throughout the film there are feelings against the police and the destruction of the environment, but that doesn't reduce the scare value.

Overall: Enjoyably twee and gory - a hidden gem. 7 out of 10.

2003-11-06T18:10:00.000Z

Horror (2002)
Directed by Dante Tomaselli

Horror is the third feature length film from director Dante Tomaselli. It's very much a low budget effort, the whole feel of the movie is rather unpolished, so the director tries to make up for it by making this a thinking mans horror. I won't go into the story much since it's all over the place with timelines jumping about and various dream sequences. The story is in the "eye" of the beholder in this case.

Suffice it to say that it involves two parties : a group of young offenders who escape by accidently killing a guard, and a girl who is given medication by her over bareing family. The young offenders arrive at the girls house and kill her parent while high on drugs given to them by the girls grandfather. The grandfather initially seems to spiritualist vicar type character but soon we discover that he is a shapeshifting demon. Well, nobody's perfect.

This movie uses lashes of imagery to provide the scares. The first half doesn't really work with a number of the intended spookiness failing. A goat looking at you, with a bored and confused look on his face, doesn't do it for me. However the second half of the film, along with several peach schnapps, provided a few more chills. I found myself becoming unnerved by the various items that appeared under the girls bed; the changing painting of the grandfather and the creepy little girl whose face broke out in boils and pustures.

Effects and acting are indicitive of the budget. That is to say, decidely average.

The director's has said that his next project, Satan's Playground, will place more emphasis on the horror so I'll hopefull be able to check that out when it's released.

Overall: Low budget, art house horror with the occasional scare. 4/10 (or 5/10 with peach schnapps).

2003-11-06T17:31:00.000Z

Beyond Re-Animator (2003)
Directed by Brian Yuzna

Having seen, and enjoyed, the Reanimator films many moons ago, and having missed the opportunity to catch this on the big screen, I felt obliged to check this one out. With the original star of the Reanimator flicks Jeffrey Combs back as Dr Herbert West, the action gets going immediately with the appearance of a bloke with half of his face missing. He kills a young boy's sister right in front of him and we soon discover this was one of West's experiments gone wrong.

Fast forward thirteen years and the boy, Howard, has grown up to become a leading doctor while West has been sent to prison. To find out more about West, Howard gets a job as the prison doctor and discovers that West has been continuing his experiments in the prison. In fact he has been perfecting a way to transfer the soul from one body to another to avoid his reanimated creations from being violent mindless zombies. However, far from being slightly irritated that West caused his sisters death, Howard requests that West, due to his medical experience, help him in the prison hospital.

However, things soon start to get out of control as Howard and West continue their reanimation experiments on deceased residents. This also includes Howards reporter girlfriend who is killed by the sadistic warden. Eventually a riot ensues and West's reanimation potion is stolen and used by the prisoners who become zombies who kill everyone.

The gore level is pretty high with limbs, eyeballs, boobies and even pee pee's getting sliced and diced. There's quite a nice CGI section with a guy chopped in half and his entrails slithering about.

All in all, Beyond Re-Animator is an enjoyable progression in the Re-Animator series.

Overall: Entertaining with some scientific mumbo jumbo and lots of the usual gore. 6.75/10.

2003-11-04T13:24:00.000Z

Oodishon (2000)
Directed by Takashi Miike

Aaaaaarrrrrrrrr!!!!! For the second time my review has been lost thanks to a Internet Explorer crash. GOD HELP ME.

Please feel free to look at other peoples thoughts on this movie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0235198/) although they won't be as good as mine.

Overall: Interesting characters but the story got a bit unintelligable towards the end. 7/10.

2003-10-29T17:26:00.000Z

Hypercube: Cube 2 (2002)

Directed by Andrzej Sekula

Well I'd just finished writting up a long synopsis of this film when the crap crashed on me. Now I can't be bothered re-writing it so the world will have to go without. Which is a sad and frightening thought...

That said, I'll paraphrase my original prose.

Original Cube good. People awaken in strange cubic rooms but don't know why they are there.

Sequel had too many special effects. Tried to answer questions of first movie. Action moved from three dimensional Cube to four dimensional Hypercube. Some interesting scientific ideas.

Overall: SFX overkill = cheap looking, dodgy ending. 6/10.

2003-10-28T16:35:00.000Z

The Burning (1981)

Directed by Tony Maylam

When a summer camp prank goes wrong, and a nasty janitor gets badly burned, revenge will be the only thing on his twisted mind. Five years pass and he returns to the summer camp to kill the current crop of annoying young Americans.

All in all, a very average slasher movie released in the early 80's when the genre was at it's peak. All the typical elements: summer camp, crazed killer, lots of boobies. The acting is pretty good, in fact I spotted a number of mainstream Hollwood actors presumably in their debut performances: Jason Alexander (George from Sienfeld), Fisher Stevens (Short Circuit) and Holly Hunter. The gore level is set to medium with some severed limbs and stabbings thanks to the janitors weapon of choice: garden shears. Well it's original...

I don't reckon the title is very appropriate since the only burning that goes on is right at the start. I would like to see the movie renamed "Three Shears For Summer Camp" or "The Pissed Off Janitor"...

Overall: average slasher which you'll enjoy more if your drunk. 5/10.

2003-10-23T09:57:00.000Z

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Directed by Quentin Tarantino

Tarantino's fourth film, as the opening credits inform us, is a tongue in cheek, campy homage to old skool 70's martial arts movies. It features Uma Thurman who is an assassin called Black Mamba who, along with four other killers (Lucy Liu, Daryl Hannah, Vivica A. Fox and Michael Madsen), works for the mysterious Bill. She is betrayed by them all at her wedding where all those present are killed while she is left for dead but survives. After a five year coma it is time for revenge!

Kill Bill is clearly a Tarantino movie. You could tell this even if you watched it without knowing before hand. The dialogue, stylish music and art direction scream Tarantino. The use of black and white, jumps in the movie timeline, and, interestingly, a short animated Manga section just go to enforce this. Some have said that this movie is more style than substance and I would agree with this up to a point. In some ways this film has so much style that this becomes the substance. What am I talking about? Who knows.

In any case the action scenes are full of adrenaline with a thumping musical score in the background. Samurai swords, flying limbs, blood spraying everywhere, gravity defying jumps. It's all good stuff and very reminiscent of the type of films coming out of Hong Kong in the 70's and 80's. You will see that I've previously reviewed a number of film by Takashi Miike (Ichi the Killer) and it's clear that Tarantino has taken some inspiration from Eastern film makers like Miike. While some have said that the film is far too violent I say to them hogwash sir! Much of the violence is portrayed with a sense of unrealism and a touch of comedy - clearly "movie violence".

The second part is to be shown in 2004 where I assume we'll see much of the same. I for one am looking forward to it!

Overall: Typical Tarantino with a touch of the old skool. 7.75/10.

2003-10-21T12:03:00.000Z

Identity (2003)
Directed by James Mangold

Having looked at the ultimate movie website (apart from this one) IMDB, I've learned the writer of this flick was Michael Cooney. This is the man who also penned a movie featured here : Jack Frost. I was most surprised since the two movies couldn't be more different. This, an intellegent mystery thriller starring some of hollywoods finest, Jack Frost... well it features a killer snowman for goodness sake.

Anyway, with my surprise beginning to subside let me continue. Identity concerns the meeting of ten strangers at an out of the way motel during a heavy rain storm. They all end up at the motel through a series of apparent accidents and coincidences: a chauffeur and his ride, a pair of newlyweds, a cop and his prisoner, a hooker, a Las Vegas loser and a man, wife and their son.

Cut off by the storm, the prisoner is handcuffed but soon escapes and the strangers begin being killed off one by one. Ed (John Cusack) the chauffeur and ex-cop takes the helm since the proper cop (Ray Liotta) doesn't seem to be doing a very good job of things. However all is not as it seems as the convict is soon killed but the murders continue. Ed must find out what connects the strangers to stop the killing spree.

A separate story thread unfolds, seemingly unrelated, regarding a vicious killer, Malcolm Rivers, who, condemned to death and suffering from a multiple personality syndrome, is up for one final appeal to prove that one of his personalities is to blame for the violence.

The tension throughout the story is highly charged and gripping, keeping the viewer at the edge of their seat. Just when you think you know who the killer is, bang!, they're dead. You can feel that a twist in the tail is always coming but when it does you're not expecting it.

Well worth a watch.

SPOILER

It transpires that the whole story of the 10 strangers meeting is nothing more that the embodyment of the conflicting personalities of the killer Malcolm Rivers. We are basically seeing, within his mind, the good personalities battling against the evil one with the assistance of his psychiatrist. However, even after this battle there is little twist just when you're becoming complacent.

END SPOILER

Overall : A thinking man's thriller. 8.25/10.

2003-10-07T17:30:00.000Z

Jack Frost (1997)
Directed by Michael Cooney

Pretty straight forward one this:

1. Serial killer, Jack Frost, is on his way to his execution during a snow storm
2. Prison van crashes with chemical tanker in snow storm
3. Frost gets covered in chemical, melts and falls into the snow
4. Frost gets reincarnated as a serial killer snowman

Wo wo wo! Did you say serial killer snowman? Yes. Yes I did.

Truth be told, this is actually not too bad a movie. Yes, it's the standard killed-then-transformed-killer format. Yes, the snowman looks like a big soft toy. But it's fun. The film has it's tongue so firmly stuck in it's cheek that it's liable to pop through.

Basically the recently transformed killer, Jack Frost, is on a mission of revenge searching for the local town police sheriff who, during a routine check, caught him.

The story then shifts to Snomonton (yesss...) where the sheriff, Sam Tiler, is going about his daily business safe in the knowledge that Jack has been executed. We see his wife and his kid and his neighbours all laughing and enjoying the snow. Unfortunately the budget of the movie meant that the Special Effects team - one guy with a bag of white flakes - could only place small piles of synthetic snow around the town. So while the roads and houses are completely snow free, there will be a little patch in someones garden where everyone is making really fake looking snowmen. I particularly liked the occational use of cotton wool to represent snow on trees.

A number of mysterious murders suddenly occur in the town. One of which involves Jack Frost strangling a woman with Fairy lights while smashing her face repeatedly into a box of glass baubles before slamming the star at the top of the tree into her head. Superb! Of course you get the one liners but I won't spoil it for you. Luckily more classic deaths with a Christmassy vibe still to come!

The murders result in the sheriff meeting up with a couple of mysterious government agents. These guys know about the special chemical that resurrected Frost but don't tell the sherrif much at the moment since he's just a small town hick sheriff.

Frost's killings continue one of which involves the local bimbo and some guy. The lady in question is none other than American Pie's Shannon Elizabeth who is looking good. She get's her bra and panties off, and into the bath, but sadly she obviously new she'd hit the big time - so no nudity. Back to the violence in that case. The guy gets a couple of icicles fired through him while Jack run's off the one liners. Shannon Elizabeth, enjoying her bath, suddenly starts getting chilly as the water turns to snow flakes and Jack Frost rises from them. He then process to either bash her against the wall or have some kind of weird sex with her involving his carrot nose. I'll go for the former since the icy-carrot-sex worries me slightly.

By now the sherrif knows the truth about Jack and the prototype formula chemical. So they devise a way to kill him. Their first attempt involves blowing up the police station with Jack in it but that's a no go. His melted form just pulls together again. Next attempt involved pushing him into the church furnace with hairdryers as guns. Good idea, but the condensation escapes and reforms killing the FBI guys. Their last chance lies with every snow man's worst enemy. Not Alad Jones - antifreeze.

I'll not ruin the end by telling you how they do it but be ready for a climatic battle with large wads of cotton wool. How some of these actors can keep a straight face I'll never know.

Overall : Easy on the eye with a few chuckles and a little cotton wool. 7/10.

2003-10-07T12:58:00.000Z

Stendhal's Syndrome (1996)
Directed by Dario Argento

A quick definition for you :
Stendhal's syndrome (sten.DAWLZ sin.drum, -drohm)
n. Dizziness, panic, paranoia, or madness caused by viewing certain artistic or historical artifacts or by trying to see too many such artifacts in too short a time.

Starring the directors daughter, Asia Argento, who is maybe best known as the love interest to Vin Diesel in XXX, this film is an interesting and visually rich experience.

Asia is Anna Manni, a cop who is on the trail of the psychopathic rapist who has been terrorizing woman in Italy. While on a tip, she visits an art gallery where she becomes dizzy and disorientated as she wanders the gallery examining the art. She can hear voices coming from the pictures and sculptures, water flowing, horses galloping. The camera zooms in on snearing faces and great battles within the pictures, while a simple orchestral rift plays faster and faster, louder and louder. Anna eventually faints and hits her head, as she imagines herself falling into the water shown in one of the pictures.

This scene basically tells us what the title of the movie means and, quite effectively, what the condition might feel like.

Anna is suffering from amnesia at this point but manages to return to her hotel room. While lying in her bed, the painting on the wall starts to come alive (or is she simply asleep dreaming?) and as she examines it she is able to walk through it and is transported to the scene of the killer's next victim where she witnesses the killing. As she retreats back through the painting she is back in her hotel room but this time the killer is there. He torments her and rapes her, but lets her live.

We then follow Anna's journey to capture the killer, Alfredo. What seems to start off as a simple cat and mouse chase soon becomes a tangled psychological thriller. Throughout the film Anna begins to change physically (wigs & clothes) and psychologically as she is tormented by Alfredo. Eventually she is captured by Alfredo and raped again but manages to free herself and throw him in the river. It appears he is dead but killings are continuing and Anna is recieving phone calls from him. However, something is different. His MO is different - men dying and not woman - and the no one else hears the phone calls...

Eventually, we discover the truth. Alfredo was killed in the river but Anna was left so damaged by him that she refused to believe he was dead. So much so, that has become him.

Not as gory as some of Argento's other directorial work, which I will check out more of, but very violent. Rich in photography and thoughtful, I felt like I was suffering from Stendhal's Syndrome watching some of the scenes.

I think they must get the Italian cast to say their lines as best they can in English before dubbing it in more succinct English. I say this because you the lip sync is sometimes out. This doesn't spoil the film, instead gives it a foreign charm.

Overall : violent and thought provoking. 6.75/10.

2003-09-29T15:50:00.000Z

Puppet Master II (1991)
Directed by Dave Allen

Having seen the original Puppet Master with all the cool killer puppets - Leech Woman, Driller, Blade, to name but a few - I felt obliged to check out the sequel. Well the first of 5+ sequels.

Puppet Master II picks up shortly after the first, and is set in the same hotel. This time a group of paranormal investigators are on the scene sharing the hotel with the mysterious, bandaged covered Eriquee Chaneé whom the audience know is the reincarnated Puppet Master himself : Andre Toulon.

One by one the investigators get knocked off by the puppets under the control of Toulon. They are stealing some kind of gland that allows Toulon to make his special reanimation serum.

It been a while since I was the first movie but I reckon there is less gore in this one. The whole movie seems a little tamer althrough there are a few jumpy moments. The puppets are still well done, constantly stealing the show, and the new puppet, Flame, is a formidable force.

Overall : the puppets are back and that's ok by me. 6/10.

2003-09-17T17:41:00.000Z

Ichi the Killer (2001)
Directed by Takashi Miike

PART 1 (Story)

Well, well. I spotted this movie mentioned in a few webpages concerning extreme asian cinema so naturally had to obtain it. Extreme it certainly is.

There are various levels to this film, some of which are hard to see and some of which you can only guess at.

On the surface, the movie involves the capturing of a Yakuza boss by a rival gang who use a violent hitman called Ichi. The Yakuza gang, which includes an ex-cop (Kaneko) also have a violent killing machine in the form of Kakihara who is obsessed with pain, both to himself and others.

The film follows Kakihara's attempt to recover his boss whom he has a sadistic and masochistic relationship with. He also wants to find Ichi, who intrigues
him due to his apparently similar sadism fetish.

On the road to finding Ichi, Kakihara employs the most brutal torture techniques he can imagine. One poor soul gets hung via hooks stuck through their skin then needles poked through their cheeks. If that wasn't bad enough he then gets boiling oil poured over his back and head. Nice guy huh!

Another victim has her nipples hooked and then stretched out over a table, before drawing a scalpal along the table severing his nips off!

Ichi however, is not what he seems. He is a frightened young man who clearly becomes sexually aroused around pain and death but is appalled by the idea of killing. Until that is, his father (Jijii) compares his intended targets to the bullies who wrecked his life at school. Then Ichi loses the plot and kills with no restraint sobbing the entire time. However, to further complicate things, the bully story is a fabrication, given to Ichi through hypnosis to make him kill.

After a number of further gang encounters and blood tortures, Kakihara and Ichi finally confront each other on a rooftop. Kakihara is almost overcome with disapointment that Ichi is not the sadistic killer he excitedly thought. After killing Yakuza ex-cop Kaneko, whom he saw as a friend, Ichi breaks down crying. Kakihara cannot bear to hear this after being so sexually let down and bursts his own ear drums. However, it seems Kakihara's blood lust is finally satisfied as Ichi strikes out and Kakihara falls to his death.

PART 2 (and the rest)

POSSIBLE SPOILERS

The underlying messages and metaphors are what makes this movie so good. It occured to me that if Jijii can hypnotise his son he may use that ability a lot more than is let on. For instance when he reveals his huge bulky body. Also, in the final fight, I believe Kakihara commits suicide (not killed by Ichi) because he is either dillusional or is under the spell of Jijii.

Another example of this: it is Jijii who convinces Kakihara that Suzuki is probably the one who killed the boss.

There are definately thought provoking moments in this film. I'll watch it again and hopefully add some more of my observations.

Overall: Gory to extreme? Yes. But also cleverly crafted. 8.5/10.

2003-09-17T12:05:00.000Z

The Beyond (1981)

AKA E tu vivrai nel terrore - L'aldilà (And You Will Live in Terror: The Afterlife)
Directed by Lucio Fulci

The story involves a hotel which houses one of the seven gates of hell. It is taken over by a young woman, Liza, who plans to open it to the public. However, a number of deaths and a warning from a strange blind girl hamper these efforts. Liza begins to question her sanity after seeing horrific visions and even her new friend, the local doctor John McCabe, is sceptical. However when the zombie demons take over the hospital he becomes convinced!

Everything about this movie works. The camera work is seamless, the music is amazingly atmospheric and the acting ain't all that bad either. I would say that it is the special effects that take the biscuit though. The make-up and gore effects are amazing. You've got eye ball popping, tongue pulling, neck ripping, you name it. The scene where a womans head is forced onto a nail is particularly nasty. It goes through the back of her head then forces her eye out, hanging on a tendon. Nice.

The movies finale takes place in a hospital over run with zombies which can only be killed, as we all know, by a bullet to the brain. Why the Doc wastes bullets on their torsos I don't know. Maybe he's just a bad shot. However, he does blast a zombie girl in the head blowing the majority of it clean off. Superb.

SPOILER
The final scene is very unsettling and involves the Doc and Liza running in the hospital and somehow appearing back in the hotel basement. They go through a hole in the wall and find themselves in an immense, stark world with decaying bodies littering the ground. They look back but the hole and the wall has gone. There is just dim sandy plains in all directions with wailing and bodies all around. They look to the camera and their eyes have gone completely white at the hellish sights they see.

They have become trapped in The Beyond. In HELL !
END SPOILER

Overall : Excellent horror gem featuring some of the most gory scenes I've witnessed. 9/10.

2003-09-15T15:15:00.000Z

The Grim Reaper (1980)

AKA Antropophagus
Directed by Joe D'Amato

I stumbled across this on eBay and, after taking a quick look in IMDB, purchased it due to a couple of purportedly banned scenes. Sadly this was not to be since I had purchased the cut version. Arseburgers.

The movie features the usual English dubbing over what looks like English speaking. This seems to be a common feature of Italian horror films. Perhaps this is due to the appalling accents of the cast...

What spoilt what would be an otherwise average horror was the lighting. 90% of the film is in entire darkness meaning that when anything happens the music rises to a crashendo but you can see NOTHING bar the odd glimpse of an ear.

There are a few scenes which, I must confess, made me jump. But that might have just been because I had the volume up to high. The deserted Greek village and the catacombs were creepy but this wasn't enough to carry the film.

For your reference the banned scenes involved a woman having her unborn baby ripped from her womb before being eaten. Now I ask you, what's so moraly reprehensible with this that it needs to be banned..? Disgraceful. I shall be writing to my MP.

Overall: spoilt by bad lighting and over cutting. Bah. 3/10.

2003-09-09T14:17:00.000Z

Shivers (1975)
AKA They Came from Within

Directed by David Cronenberg

This film is one of David Cronenberg's earliest and, as is revealed in the extras, he had to get funding from a Canadian arts commission which caused a bit of a fracas at the time due to the graphic content.

Anyway, the movie starts as an advert for Starliner Towers, a huge, self contained living complex on a small Canadian island. We are then transported into the complex where we witness a young girl being attacked by an older man. She gets strangled to death then has a bizarre medical procedure carried out.

It later transpires that she has had a parasite implanted in her which has been infecting everyone she comes in contact with. Since she is such a popular girl, nudge nudge, this doesn't bode well.

The effects of the parasite are increased sexual and aggressive behaviour and it's this aspect that the film seems to explore. As the parasite infects more and more people, everyone is ripping their clothes off and having sex. Those that are not infected are violently attacked and then have sex until everything decends into a mad chaos.

David Cronenberg doesn't believe in happy endings, and this is the case here also, as once everyone in the complex are infected they move on to the rest of Canada as the credits roll!

Some ropey acting, but well-filmed. The effects are very good for such a low budget - such as when the parasites try to push out of the guys stomach. Oh, and the parasite looks like a jobby.

Overall: violent and pessimistic, with lots of boobies. 7/10.

2003-09-04T17:44:00.000Z

Junk (2000)
Directed by Atsushi Muroga

A Japanese zombie flick with loads of blood and guts plus with the added bonus of trademark Japanese gun fighting. Sweet Jesus this is rock and roll.

Invented by the military, DNX re-invigorates dead DNA cells and allows the reincarnation of the recently deceased. Unfortunately, the reanimated corpses have a penchant for human flesh. They really should have done some proper testing.

Anyway, a group of bank novice robbers are meeting their prospective mafia buyers at a deserted warehouse, which turns out to be the abandoned military DNX testing facility. Bummer. The deal goes bad and the gang have to survive being chased by the mafia members and some crazy zombies. Bigger bummer.

The effects in this film are great with LOADS of blood and innards flopping about all over the place, very much in the vein of the Living Dead series of films.

There are a number of American actors here so you get a mix of English and Cantonese dialogue. The American actors are pretty bad it must be said, but they were probably included to.. to.. nope, I have no idea why they're there.

Would definately recommend this to zombie fans who demand over the top gore and action.

Overall: Gore and guns - woohoo! 8.5/10

2003-09-02T12:34:00.000Z

Two Evil Eyes (1991)
Directed by Dario Argento & George A. Romero

AKA Due occhi diabolici

This is a couple of Edgar Allan Poe stories as interpreted by horror maestros Argento and Romero. For the lackies out there, Dario Argento is Italy's foremost director in horror who has a tendency to concentrate on his films atmosphere and imagery rather than acting performances. Romero can be attributed to pretty much revolutionising the horror genre with his film Night Of The Living Dead and its various follow ups.

Anyway, the first story is very much the weaker of the two. The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar is very sloooowwww and the 5 minute climax doesn't make up for this. In short it tells the story of a rich man who dies while under hypnosis and is still able to contact his wife and doctor who are trying to swindle his fortune. No real scares but a mildly interesting idea.

The second story, The Black Cat, is superior, employing Argentos trademark elaborate camerawork and vivid, bloody images. Big time actor Harvey Keitel takes the lead here and gives a great performance. Keitel is Roderick Usher, a crime scene cameraman whose constant interaction with horrific crimes leads him to drink and leaves him slightly unstable.

When a black cat shows up at his house, his girlfriend adopts it but it doesn't seem to like Roderick; hissing and spitting at him constantly. He eventually kills the cat but it shows up again so he tries to murder it again. The second time though his girlfriend gets killed trying to protect it. He walls her and the cat up but the cat lives and starts to give the game away. You'll think twice about cute kittens once you see the ending...

The only saving grace was that on my DVD version there was a 1 hour documentary into Dario Argento which detailed the directors other films and his inspirations. I'll work through a few more Argento movies so expect more info here soon.

Overall: first story dull, second story average. 4/10.

2003-09-01T12:01:00.000Z

The Stuff (1985)

Directed by Larry Cohen

"The Stuff" is a brand new delicious food sensation which is discovered, by accident, bubbling out of the ground. It is packaged into tubs by a big conglomerate and an advertising campaign ensures that it is a big hit. Unfortunately, it contains an unknown active ingredient which tends to make your head explode...

David 'Mo' Rutherford is hired by a rival firm to find out what goes into "The Stuff". He's called Mo, by the way, because whenever someone gives him money he wants mo'. Oh dear.

Rutherford's investigation discovers that the team who approved the gooey yogurt-like food for public consumption have all mysteriously disappeared. Also, when he delves deeper the "Stuffies", those addicted to The Stuff, try to kill him by vomitting their white goo.

The effects are a mixed bag. Sometimes the goo effects are pretty convincing - watching it climb up the wall and drowning some poor guy - but other times they can be downright disgraceful. Once scene in the radio station near the end proves my point with some very dodgy overlays. The creature effects on the humans fare better with some nice expanding mouths to puke up the The Stuff.

The acting seems to have been ad libed a lot of the time, with some of the characters rambling on. Not as amateur as some of the efforts I've seen and you'll spot a couple of faces you'll recognise - Danny Aiello and Paul Sorvino. The latter of the two plays a Colonel in his own anti-communist army who helps Rutherford, and it's at this point that the movie changes from being a horror to becoming a comedy.

With an underlining message about how we are all media junkies who are led by advertising campaigns, you can be sure you will entertained and educated by the end of this film. Or not.

Overall: entertaining with a message about the media?... 5.5/10.

2003-08-28T12:41:00.000Z

Pumpkinhead (1988)
Directed by Stan Winston

Hmmm.. where to begin. Well first off you'd expect that in a movie called Pumpkinhead the main player would be some kind of genetic abomination featuring a pumkin as a head. That would have been a sure fire hit but unfortunately doesn't happen. Instead the miscreant here is a rather hopless looking beast with long fingers.

Lance Henriksen plays the lead as Ed Harley. You may remember ol' Lance as the milk spewing android in Aliens or as the chap with the ESP in Millennium.

Anyhoo, Harley is your average redneck who runs a little grocery store with his son. Harley doesn't like the city-folk, and so when a group of them turn up with dirt bikes and accidently run over his boy, he's not best pleased.

Harley goes to visit some crazy old lady who he suspects can bring his boy back from the dead. This is too much even for the crazy lady but Harley is insistant so she agrees to exact revenge thanks to the curse of Pumpkinhead. So called because the creature is buried under a crop of pumpkins at the graveyard.

So Pumpkinhead goes to the cabin where the city kids are shacked up and begins knocking them off one by one is unimaginative ways. Such as dropping them from a great height. Harley starts regretting his decision when he begins seeing, from his connection to Pumpkinhead, how brutally these innocent kids are being killed.

Well acted and some creepy sets but apart from a couple of cheap jumps, nothing really terrifying here. If only Pumpkinhead did have a pumpkinhead. And was scary.

Overall: No pumpkinhead (or boobies)! 5/10.

2003-08-26T10:20:00.000Z

Suicide Club (2002)
aka Jisatsu circle

Directed by Shion Sono

Bit of mixed [body] bag with this one. The film starts of with 50+ schoolgirls leaping to their death in front of a subway train, with blood and body parts going everywhere. Promising. This then leads to what seems like a suicide cult amongst Japanese kids and talk of a mysterious Suicide Club. The police investigation stumbles onto a website which displays dots for those killed, published before they die. Also, long strips of skin are found at the scenes, sewn from smaller strips taken from the victims backs before they kill themselves.

The first half is basically a thriller, with the police trying to find who or what is behind the suicides or if they are in fact murders.

The (many) suicides are splatteringly graphic and there are a number of genuinely scary moments such as the scenes within the hospital.

Once a connection is made between the deaths and the latest teen-band, things start getting a bit Twin Peaks on your ass. Surreal images and strange dialogue helped me to slowly lose the plot and I was left feeling somewhat let down by the end.

In my humble opinion they should have keep going on the myster/thriller vibe they had going at the start of the movie.

Overall: starts of well, then loses the plot. 5.75/10.

2003-08-26T10:05:00.000Z

Shaolin Wooden Men (1976)
aka Shao Lin mu ren xiang

Directed by Chi-Hwa Chen

This is an early film from the Jackie Chan Collection. In this adventure Jackie plays a novice Shaolin Monk whose parents have been killed 10 years earlier, by a hooded killer. He is disilusioned by the slow paced training and meets three Shaolin experts, each with a different style, who train him. Here we see some excellent moves as the various styles are played out - including a little Drunken Boxing!

The Shaolin Wooden Men only occupy a small section of the storyline and are used as a test to see if you are top Shaolin material.

Obviously with this type of film there are going to be some dubious acting/dubbing and some of the cuts and camera moves are somewhat erratic. Also, you get the obligitory sound effects when punches and kicks are thrown - which I think adds to these types of film. Overall though, you get a nice feel for the Chinese culture and religion.

Overall: Buddah praise you. Smack! 6.75/10.

2003-08-20T10:25:00.000Z

Dead or Alive: Hanzaisha (1999)
Directed by Takashi Miike

Takashi Miike is a rather notorious Japanese filmmaker, who tends to go for "far out" projects and this is no exception. I'm no idiot, but to be honest, most of the time I didn't have a clue what was going on here.

As far as I can tell the film involves a gang of misfits trying to muscle in on the Japanese Yakuza who are trying to make a deal with the Chinese. Trying to stop them is a hard nosed cop called Jojima, whose suit jacket is too big for him. Anyway, along the way we meet one of the cops informants who is into making bestiality films where we are treated to a dubious scene involving a girl and the pet dog. We're also treated to a girl being drowned in her own colonically irregated excrement by the Yakuza boss.

The few action sequences within the film are frantic and bloody with bullets flying everywhere. One of the bosses that the gang kill has just been stuffing his face with noodles so that when he gets blasted in the back the noodles come flying out of his stomach. Which is a great way to die(t).

Visually the film is impressive. Lots of lingering external shots and cramped internal scenes within the sprawling, and slightly opressive, Japanese buildings.

In the final showdown between the cop and the gang leader Ryuuichi, the cop has his arm badly injured whereon he rips it off then pulls a rocket launcher from behind his back. The gang leader who is also badly shot up, rips out his heart to reveal a glowing ball which he throws at the cop. The cop then fires his rocket launcher, which explodes against the glowing-heart-ball. The camera then performs a mega zoom out so that we can see the whole of Japan from space. Finally we see a massive explosion and shockwave which destroys half the freaking globe!

Overall: good action pieces but what the hell is going on? 5/10.

2003-08-18T11:22:00.000Z

Freddy vs Jason (2003)
Directed by Ronny Yu

Two off the most badass slasher villians in a movie together? Schweet!

You'll be hard pressed to find another major Hollywood release that features as much blood spraying around as this gem. Limbs go flying, bodies cut in half, decapitations, you name it!

The basic premise of the movie is that Freddy needs Jason to re-establish himself on Elm Street since the current batch of kids don't remember him. He needs them to fear him so that they will in turn dream about him allowing him to keep killing.

The director uses a lot of the standard horror techniques to give the audience the creeps - walking backwards into the baddy, teens having sex, that sort of thing - but it works well given the subject material. Oh yeah, and did I mention there is vast amounts of blood!

Although there is also quite a bit of comedy, thankfully this hasn't been turned into a spoof type film the way long running horrors tend to. The stoner guy gets some funny lines but Kruger steals the show with his superb one liners probably due to Wes Cravens input. Both Freddy and Jason are formidable baddies and the various teens who act as flesh fodder all perform well.

They should definately make more horrors like this. Might I suggest Chucky vs Leprechaun or how about Hellraiser Pinhead vs Puppetmaster Pinhead.

Overall: not for the faint hearted - bucketloads of blood, guts and boobies. 9/10.

2003-08-14T16:06:00.000Z

Cannibal! The Musical (1996)
Directed by Trey Parker

Fans of South Park will recognise the name Trey Parker as the co-creator of the animated phenomenon. This film was made a year or so before South park but demonstrates the creativeness and zany humour that Parker possesses.

I was a bit misled by the title since there is not a great deal of cannibalism. The movie was original titled "Alfred Packer: The Musical" and if it had retained this title I might not have downloaded.. I mean rented.. it. But I'm glad I did.

Apparently the film is based on the true story of Alfred Packer who led a group of miners across Colorado in search of gold but ended up getting lost in the snow and resorting to cannibalism.

The first scene in the film features Alfred ripping off his companions arms, tongues and various other appendiges in a blood crazed romp. We then see that this is not real and only the prosecuting lawyers version of what happened. Packer (Tray Parker) then tells his version and so the story unfolds.

Packer and his motley band of miners set off to Colorado but unfortunately they don't really have a clue how to get there and encounter various problems along the way. Vicious trappers, rivers and indians, who are actually Japanese, are just some of the things they have to put up with. Of course, being a musical you've got to have songs and Parker has written some hilariously campy tunes. Some of the lyrics are priceless:

The sky is blue and all the leaves are green.
The sun's as warm as a baked potato.
I think I know precisely what I mean,
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day.

There are also some great scenes when the trappers break into song and when one of the miners sings about building a snowman:

We can name him Tom or we can name him George!
We can make him tall, or we can make him not so tall.

Although made on a low budget, the acting and general quality isn't too bad, and some of the Colorado landscapes are very impressive.

Overall: zany comedy featuring some great "show tunes". 6.5/10.

2003-08-12T10:57:00.000Z

Equilibrium (2002)
Directed by Kurt Wimmer

I watched this after seeing a trailer for it ages ago and remembering that the special effects look pretty amazing - reminiscent of The Martix. The effects are actually nothing like The Matrix but are very good all the same. They are based around a style of gun fighting which minimizes your hit zones while maximizing your targets hit zones and doing so extremely fast...

Set in the neat future, the world has outlawed all human feelings since they are deemed the cause of all problems and indeed wars. This is done by putting everyone on a drug and by strict policing by the Clerics. Those who commit display feelings - by enjoying art or literature for example - are hunted down and killed.

Top Cleric John Preston (Christian Bale) leads as the unfeeling top cop who can sense when people are displaying unlawful emotions. However, he begins to realise how unfulfilling life is without emotion, stops taking his drugs and begins to overthrow the system.

I noticed that there were a number of British characters in this movie (Christian Bale for one, although he is putting on an admirable American accent). You've also got Sean Bean, Emily Watson, Sean Pertwee, Angus MacFadyen and a cameo from Brian Connelly!

The fight scenes are impressive with bullets flying around and walls getting peppered with holes. The end fight sequence is certainly unique - sword fighting with hand guns...

Overall: thought provoking with some amazing fight sequences. 8/10.

2003-08-11T15:58:00.000Z

House Of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Directed by Rob Zombie

Yes that really is the directors name and it's very appropriate, given the films content gory.

House Of 1000 Corpses is basically a remake of 70's shock movie A Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Set in the late 70's, a group of youngsters are stranded one rainy night and have to seek refuge in a nearby house. The inhabitants of the house turn out to be a bunch of crazy rednecks with a lust for killing.

At the start of the film we are introduced to Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig) who I found was the most disturbing character in the film (even though he didn't kill anyone). You would have to watch the movie to see what I mean!

Captain Spaulding owns a museum of the strange and macabre, which the youngsters check out. This leads them on the search for the mythical Dr Zombie. On their way to the alleged tree he was hung on, the group pick up a hitchhiker, the very lovely Sheri Moon (who is the directors bird by the way). As they are taking her home they get a flat tyre (unknowingly shot out) and have to go to the hitchhikers house to get a spare.

The family within the household are all a bunch of crazy psychos who end up attacking their guests in the most gruesome ways! There is also a scene where the last living youngster is lowered underground and has to escape zombies and ultimately defeat Dr Zombie in a Hellraiser style nightmare world.

Overall: Enough scares and bloodshed to keep the horrorfreaks happy. And some boobies. 7/10.

2003-08-04T11:34:00.000Z

Solaris (2002)
Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Starring George Cloony, this is a Science Fiction film in the same vein as 2001: A Space Odyssey; thought provoking imagery and atmospheric music combine to create a dreamy although sometimes confusing film. I particularly enjoyed, and was intrigued by, the shots of the planet Solaris with its wispy atmosphere and long cloudy tendrils.

In my opinion it is one of these films where a lot of the story has to be decided by the viewer and by the end you are left with more questions than answers. Cloony, and the rest of the cast for that matter, give a powerful performance in what is a slight under rated film.

Overall: Psychodelic and psychological. 7.5 / 10.

2003-07-29T09:29:00.000Z

Mr Vampire (Geung si sin sang) (1985)
Directed by Ricky Lau

First off, the Hong Kong version of the vampire differs greatly than its western counterpart. They are seen more as zombies, who, rather than fly (or have anything to do with bats), move by hopping along. They do both have big fangs and the desire to bite the necks of the living.

Anyway, with that out of the way, this movie is a superb blend of horror, comedy and martial arts. The first is achieved by the crazy looking vampires who keep bursting through the doors. It is also quite interesting to see the various religious procedures that the master uses to keep the vampires at bay.

The comedy element is established mainly through the masters young side-kicks who like to goof about. There are a number of funny scenes; one where the side-kicks cast a spell on the police chief and take control over him; another in which the master and Man Choi (Ricky Hui) go for their first English tea and don't know how to drink it. Priceless.

Lastly, there are some excellent martial art scenes. The Master (Ching-Ying Lam) and one of his apprentices (Siu-hou Chin) and the two main fighters in this film. Combining some impressive wire work and some very nifty acrobatics, particulary when dealing with those crafy vampire/zombies, this is a gem of a movie!

Overall: Zombies and martial arts. Sweet. 8/10

2003-07-23T11:01:00.000Z

Crade 2 Grave (2003)
Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak

Well I do like my action flicks and this one has got ass kicking Jet Li and rapper DMX. It features the same director as Exit Wounds and Romeo Must Die and a number of the characters from those movies return here (Jet Li, DMX, Anthony Anderson and Tom Arnold).

Features some reasonable fight scenes, althrough you always feel that Jet is a little reserved when playing in these Holywood blockbusters. Also, since a rapper is in the film, you get the obligitory hip-hop music; a good Eminem track right at the start then some new DMX material throughout the film.

Pretty mindless fun with some comedic moments mainly courtesy of Tom Arnold and Anthony Anderson, and if you can ignore the occasional cringeworthy scenes - like DMX saying prayers with his daughter - give it a go. Don't forget to wait for the ad-lib scene as the credits roll....

Overall : standard action flick fare 5.5/10

2003-07-21T10:48:00.000Z

Battle Royale (2001)
Directed by Kinji Fukasaku

I managed to pick up this from ebay on the cheap, however it was the Japanese version so sadly, while the movie has English subtitles, none of the extras do.

I first heard about the this film on an Asian movie forum and the premise sounded interesting. A bit like Lord Of The Flies, it involved school kids surviving on a desert island. However, in this case they are put there as a form of behavioural population control and are given food, water and a weapon. The must then kill each other so that only one remains otherwise they will all be killed.

The adults who are in control monitor the schoolkids and announce when anyone is killed. There is also a kind of on screen display when anyone gets killed, counting down how many are left. Lots of interesting relationships develop between the characters and of course cool gun battles. Keep an eye on the kid with the green hair who favours the automatic machine gun!

Overall : good premise with lots of tension (and guns). 8/10

2003-07-21T10:40:00.000Z

Eaten Alive (1976)
Directed by Tobe Hooper

I purchased this DVD on the basis that it was directed by gorefest veteran Tobe Hooper, who also directed the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre film. (In hindsight I don't think that TCM was as much of a gorefest as I had remembered.)

Anyway, Eaten Alive is basically about a motel owner, Judd, who is a complete loon and owns a huge crocodile which he keeps beside his dwellings. As you might expect anyone who turns up to stay at the motel is in for trouble.

The acting is good, the sound excellent and the location is unnerving. However, the main character tends to stand around muttering to himself, which while expanding the idea of him being insane, got a little tedious. Also, while Judds attacks with a giant scythe are quite brutal, they just didn't have that splatter-tastic edge. On the plus side, there were a fair amount of boobies. Which was good...

I must mention a section of the film I found very strange. Halfway through, a man and woman arrive at the motel with their kid. The relationship between them is very strange; she has a wig on (why?) and he talks about her burning his eyeball with her cigarette then crawls on the carpet looking for it... Their own decent into a relationship breakdown or just plain odd. You decide.

Overall : Reasonable horror with odd & unnerving moments (and boobies). 6/10

2003-05-29T19:38:00.000Z

Hahhahahah!!!!!

Check out this link.
It is outtakes from thundercats and is funny as hell !

2003-02-21T13:46:00.000Z

Just a quick entry to check that this thing works!!!